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Her man was my type.

There i was, stranded on the streets of the city in the night. My uber was taking long. I was getting worried already imagining, “what if something bad happens”, “what if i’m robbed” but I kept my consciousness intact. After three minutes of waiting, a matte black car parked infront of me. I thought the driver was going to enter the restaurant building which i was coming from but he wasn’t. My heart started to race. It’s 11pm why is that person parked there and not moving out.
The door opened and a nice looking stud moved out. He looked like he was in his late 20s, cute beard, tall and medium sized. At that moment i started wishing for my uber driver to delay abit. He walked coming towards me and i almost asked for the earth to swallow me but i had to act like his appealing appearance did not move me. “Hello” he said with his deep voice. “are you waiting for someone” it took me seconds to gather my guts and reply. His appearance was as nice as his personality. We talked for more 3 minutes until my uber arrived. He asked for my number and helped me hold the car door.

I was so happy and still blushing throughout the journey. Kept wondering how a man with connecting beards, perfect hair line, and a perfect voice would have such an amazing personality. It was like a dream come true. I arrived at my place and i told my roommate about the whole scenario. She just couldn’t believe any of my words and Speaking of the devil, my phone vibrated. It was him asking if i had arrived safely. I started blushing all over again.
We kept on talking for the next two days. He was just amazing. I was in a relationship but i couldnt resist Tony’s charms. He would call every morning and night. I remember at times we would talk for about 2 hours without even noticing. He would offer to pick me from campus at times. It was to good too be true but i was enjoying every bit of it. Those where like the best two weeks I’ve ever had. I just knew that he stayed in Ntinda but he had never given me full details. I was fine with that because i was still enjoying the fringe benefits.

At times he’d call me and my girls to join him somewhere for food and drinks. All my friends had approved of him. They would ask me daily where i got such a gentleman from. He made me question my ex and current boyfriend. Meanwhile my boyfriend was always complaining about how i was becoming distant. He wasn’t even half the man that Tony was. But i still love him either way. Tony was to perfect too be real and at times i wondered why he was even single in the first place.
He oneday hit me up with a “can i see you tonight” text I had lectures the next morning but he said it was just a date and that he would bring me back just in time to rest. We went out and had some amazing time.

We were still eating when some nice looking lady opened the restaurant door. Most people inside turned to look at her. At that moment i noticed Tony was feeling abit uncomfortable. He was acting strange and i got worried. I was still asking him whats wrong, if he just didn’t like the food. At that moment i noticed the lady was walking coming to our table. I don’t know why but there and then i knew i had messed up. Before she could even reach the table Tony flee the scene. He was at the door way in just 3seconds. She walked back following him like a young kid who had done something wrong. I was left alone at the table that night. It was the last time i ever saw and heard from Tony.

I’m giving up on you.

I’m giving up because its for the best.
I’m giving up because i love you so much to stay.
I’m giving up because we’re not the same anymore.
I’m giving up because you’re always fine without me and that scares me.
I’m giving up because you’re never going to change for anyone.
I’m giving up because love alone is not enough to keep me here.
I’m giving up because i’ll never be what you want.
I’m giving up because what i want from you is not what you give.

I smile when i hear your name.
I smile when someone talks about you.
I smile even at the slightest thought of you.
But ill give up because you don’t appreciate.
I’ll give up because im struggling alot for this to work.
I’ll give up because i’m all in and you’re just half way.

I’ll give up because i know my worth.
For the first time i’m tired of praying for us.

Reasons why relationships come to an end when they have just started.

Have you ever wondered why people cheat, have you ever been so good to your significant other and they still cheated on you? 

Well I have been a victim once. Not all relationships always end up the way we planned. But we still give it a try anyway. At first I thought true love was easy, I thought it was just like in the movies where girl meets boy and they end up being soul mates.

 Well, that’s not true. True love is a struggle, true love its self is a journey of lots of mistakes. True love can be obtained only if you want it. 

Have you ever been with someone who makes you so happy, someone you feel so safe with, someone you can’t wait to see at the end of the day? 

 Different people have different reasons as to why they cheat. Some people always say why not leave someone if you’re bold enough to cheat on them. Well it’s not as easy as it seems. Nobody is perfect and I know many people will criticize me for this but that’s it.

 Someone once told me that “you won’t need your past but those mistakes will always be an indicator. History repeats its self but this time round you will be ready”. 

Here are some of my opinions as to why people cheat on their significant other.

1. Some people cheat out of anger. Cheating is at times used for revenge hence doing it out of anger. At times some people cannot control their anger issues. If you annoy her/him or even if it’s just something unusual they resort to cheating. Forexample if you promised to see her this weekend and you postponed to the next and the next, now right there is when some Mr. “I am here for you comes in”.

2.Unusual change of the significant other. Now some people always pretend to be something they are not at the start of the relationship. 

All the midnight calls, dates, flowers, private weekends and more. But when they are months or even years into the relationship they start pulling away. The daily check up phone calls change to only one call per two days. 

The weekend night dates varnish and so on. Some people hate change the moment they start feeling unwanted or not cared for that the moment they consider someone else. Dating someone for three years doesn’t mean you should stop calling them it doesn’t mean you should get to comfortable and neglect them.

3.Falling out of love. Falling out of love is normal. You might date someone and after a period of time you notice that they are not what you actually want. 

Well falling out of love has many causes but in most cases there is nothing to be done about it. You can’t force someone to actually love you again. That’s why even long term relationships of whether 8 years or 10 also come to an end eventually.

4.Relationship commitment issues. In my past years I’ve come across people who are scared of commitment. Maybe they were hurt by their lovers in the past years. But whatever the case is, such people will never settle in just one relationship. Today she’s with tom and by next month she’s tired and wants Jack. 

So at times it’s not really your fault that someone you love cheated on you. Sometimes it’s just that they are not ready for commitment. Maybe they just want a casual relationship or they cheat to get a way out of the relationship. 

5.Unplanned situations. This may seem unreal but I think it’s the reason that causes 50 percent of cheating scenarios. At times married men go to bars and drink themselves silly. 

With time they can’t even control themselves and the next thing you know he is hooking up with some random girl. This wasn’t planned for. Then at times women throw themselves at men and vice versa. I think at times people cheat not because they don’t love their partners but just because of situational forces or too much availability of targets.

6.Frustration in a relationship. Some relationships are toxic and some partners don’t seem to understand their significant other. Relationships and marriage aren’t planned to always be perfect like in the movies. 

They will always be full of ups and downs but what matters is how you both handle the situation. Do not give your partner the space to think of getting something extra on the side. If he or she’s not happy about something then talk it through. Get to know how to act better from the opinions for what he/she has said.

7.Sexual problems or indifferences. Just a simple sexual desire problem can make someone cheat. That’s if their targets are not reached by the partner. They cheat to get what they actually want but can’t get. But in my opinion all this can be avoided by being open to you partner. Tell him/her what you really want. Your partner doesn’t have superpowers to actually know what you like to be done to you if you don’t tell them. 

8.Unmet needs. Its 2020 people go into relationships hoping to obtain different things from the relationship. It might be intimacy benefits, love, and care among others. The moment a person doesn’t meet all or even just half of what they are looking for, the resort to cheating. 

9.The desire to explore. I must say this is very common among women. Some couples start dating at a very young age and with time, the relationship gets boring. Their sex life becomes so basic. Someone might be interested in trying different sex styles that the partner isn’t into.

However different people react differently towards a partner that has cheated. Its not the end of the world and not everyone is perfect however keep these in mind when deciding.

Do you still want the relationship? 

Can the two of you talk about what happened?

Can you trust your partner again? 

Does your partner still want the relationship?

I always encourage couples to have those questions in mind before making final decisions because they often cause misery to themselves. 

If he/she has cheated try to find out why before throwing the whole relationship away.

 At times separating is not always the answer to everything. Some people are broken internally and they need help. Don’t let your source of happiness trip off when you can help. I’m not saying you should stay in a toxic relationship when you’re not happy. All I am saying is fight for happiness if it’s still their. 

1.Don’t give your partner reason to look aside.

2.Don’t make your partner feel unwanted or unappreciated.

3.Don’t hide your true self from your partner. 

4.Always remind your partner why you fell in love with them. 

5. Give each other the respect, love, care and trust that y’all deserve. If you don’t love someone be brave enough to walk away from them. It will only hurt more if you wait.

Inconclusion, i think love is the most beautiful thing. Waking up every morning to see someone you love next to you. Getting to spend the whole day with them, laughing, talking, cuddling and just enjoying each others company.  But before you decide to leave someone after they cheat, please ask why they did it. Maybe you could be the problem. Ask for closure so that you do better in your next relationship. 

You can’t just run away and carry your same mistakes to the next relationship. 

Well, why did your partner cheat on you/ why did you cheat on your partner? 

How to know that your partner isnt serious about you.

Are you in a relationship but you’re feeling like you don’t really belong there? Do you feel like you’re being used? Well! You could be. It is very hard to know if you’re being used or not because people nowadays have all the tricks to sweep you off your feet when all they want is to fulfill their own personal interests. Maybe they just want sex, money, pride, fun or even they just feel lonely.
Yeah, i know it sounds funny to hear that people start relationships for fun. But i have ever witnessed a relationship that was based on a dare from friends. However, one of the parties falls so much in love that they don’t notice how they are being used and here are some of the ways you can tell if your being used or not.

  1. If your partner feels uncomfortable sharing about his background with you. You could be in a relationship but you don’t know where your partner works, his/her friends and not even any of their relatives or finds it hard introducing you to his close friends. When the only question you can answer is where they stay and maybe where they work. Someone that’s using you will never give you brief information about themselves.
  2. You only see them when they want to be seen. This is the most reasonable way to tell that you are being used. If your partner is a kind of person that tells you where and when you’ll see them then you should get worried. They will tell you “can’t see you this weekend but I’m all yours next weekend”, “dont come home unless we have made plans” and many other chaotic excuses. At times your meeting days are always announced. If youre in a relationship and you only see your partner on a particular day of the week then i don’t know what to tell you.
  1. They only call you in the evening hours. I don’t know if he is a vampire but this is a booty call relationship. If your so called man only calls at night asking you to come over every single week but you never actually meet them during the day then you should think twice. A person who truly loves you will call you in the morning to ask how your night was or will give you a quick call during day no matter how busy one could be.
  2. They don’t put enough effort in the relationship. If you’re in a relationship where by you feel like you’re trying too hard to sustain the relationship, then yes my dear you are doing too much. If you are the one calling week after week, arranging dates, ensuring you make them happy every time and they aren’t doing the same in return then you need to check yourself.

5.They avoid doing things that can create a deep connection. Maybe some of your partners are not romantic. But in this case someone that’s using you will avoid most of the things that bring the two of you close together. These may include cutting hugs short, avoiding deep conversations about themselves, refusing to cuddle even before or after sex. If your man just comes to your place for sex and leaves immediately every single time then my sister, you are being used.

6.They treat you like a sex object. Have you ever been in a relationship where there are no dates, no any romantic dinners for just two of you, meeting his/her friends? Every time they want to see you, they invite you to their place and they expect you to leave the next morning. He/she will never allow you to hang out around his/her place for a long time. They will always invite you only when they are horny. Such people are actually never there when you need company or someone to talk to.

7.They make you fight for their attention. If you’re with someone that makes you plead for their attention then youre in the wrong relationship my dear. They tend not to text unless it’s you that has texted first. They’ll never be the ones calling to check up on you. Why does it have to always be you first? never let anyone lie to you that they love you when they can’t even create time for you.

8.They tend to flirt with the opposite sex even in your presence. I think this is obvious. If your boyfriend or girlfriend flirts with someone else while you’re around then they are trying to send a signal that you can be replaced and you aren’t that important to them. This can be so hurting and shows nothing but disrespect of the highest order. If your man/woman does this usually, you can talk to him/her how it makes you feel and if he/she doesnt see it as a problem run for your life.

9.They only care about themselves. If your girlfriend only calls to ask you for shopping, hair, rent and upkip money but never cares about you then that’s not a relationship trust me. They will pretend to like you and the moment they get what they want, they will disappear. Trust me if you don’t give her that money the way you used to, she will replace you. And the funny thing is she will buy her real man gifts with than money that you splash her.

Relationships will never get any easier but it calls for patience, forgiveness, respect and loyalty to protect your love against all odds and love doesn’t have to be perfect but pure. Don’t ever put your partner in a situation where shes/ hes looked at as a joke or got other people thinking if only she/he knew BE YOUR PARTNERS SAFEST PLACE.

I hope this helped you in a way with your relationship. I will be glad for any suggestions for my next topic. Thank you. Stay safe.